Walking in a Man’s Shoes

Men’s Shoes vs Women’s – usually bigger, wider, different style and most definitely, the feet that walk in them, walk through life differently.  Am I a “feminist”, no. Have I learned that life is very different for a man than a women, yes. And my life is just getting started.

It’s been almost 4 years since the first day we started “Trying”. And it started off super fun and cool. With truly the expectation of things happening on the first try. And now I know how very naive I was… But that is besides the point. I thought about the nine months of carrying a baby and possibly the one or two months that I would have to slow things down and put a few things on hold. The things I enjoy doing, my goals, my life, I wasn’t really expecting anything too crazy to change.

Well… Was I wrong.

As the months went on and the focus became greater and greater on “fertility” my life and my goals started to change. From picking the best ovulation test tool, to the best fertility clinic, to the best nutrition, anything that could potentially sway the results to a positive test.  Most things, heck all things, were centred around this one goal. For many weeks, daily blood work kept me from my regular routine and lots of the procedures kept me from many things I enjoy and definitely from any progress in these enjoyment areas. Yes it was a big goal and something that we longed to reach, but it wasn’t the only thing going on in my life. But what happens to those other things. Where do our “personal” goals go as a woman when our priorities shift to family planning, post natal recovery, caregiving and all the other areas of life we are “Expected” to perform in.

The show must go on – (no matter the personal costs) we tell ourselves. If it doesn’t, the GUILT pours in.  Is it an innate value of “family” or “caregiving” that causes the psychological discomfort? Or is it the shaming done from society that is the biggest factor? Whatever it is, it is real.

For the last few months, I have had the ability to go all in. To walk in a man’s shoes. To remove the guilt and just 100% focus on my goals. Yes some of those goals are engaging with others and helping them achieve success. But that is something that drives me. It is not driven by society or someone else. AND, it feels good.

I am very fortunate to be surrounded by many women who are going after their goals every day. Learning one day at a time that the more self care and inner work we do, the better we are all around for our family, friends, loved-ones, fur-babies, co-workers…

To those strong women out there pushing the boundaries, pushing towards your dreams, while raising a family or thinking about one, thank you. Thank you for paving a path for women that it is ok to want both and go after it. We can’t pour from an empty cup – let’s fill it together.